Big K - AKA Sissy

 The sound of the clock in my head is almost deafening.  She died last summer.  July 18th.  And my brain has been conjuring up the reminders of exactly what we were doing each day last year from the date of her diagnosis on June 21st to her passing on July 18th.  

It’s something I do.  I fixate on the dates and the appointments and the mishaps and the hard.  I hate that about myself.  And she was so good at trying to be completely the opposite way.  

I’ll call her “Big K” or just “K” vs I am “little k” or “k”.  And she really was my everything.  She was my soul mate in a way that’s different from others.  We were siblings and she knew all of the good and bad about me.  And she remembered many things I couldn’t.  She was also like a mom to many for much of my life.  That’s because she was meant to be a mom (more on that later).  She was nurturing.  Almost every picture from my childhood (with us together) managed to reveal her hand on me or she was holding me.  When our mom went through a serious mental breakdown, my sister stepped up to be the “mom” at my college graduation (because my parents couldn’t attend).  When out parents both passed away, she was there.  And now, she was both mom to me and the auntie and grandma to my triplets.  When I was sick, K was the one researching and also sitting through hours of appointments, hospital stays, treatments and recoveries.  She would be there for me as a financial advisor, marriage counselor, a parenting coach and best friend.  There was always the sense that she was protecting me.  And it continued until the day she went to be with Jesus.  

That’s all for my first post.  I’ve got lots of thoughts about my sweet sissy, but it’s gonna take a little time. 

Waiting on Heaven.

k